Ten things that evolve as you age…
1. 1: After you take a drink of anything, you sometimes have to remember to close your mouth and swallow. You would think that would be forever automatic, but it isn’t.
2. 2: When your socks evolve into left and right socks? It is time for new socks.
3. 3: Bending over causes a gas, umm, problem…
4. 4: You find yourself at the backdoor staring out at the backyard. You know you went out there for a reason, but you cannot remember what it was. So, you close the door, head back to the TV, and then you remember you went out there to call the cat to dinner… Or the dog… Or the squirrel, whatever pet you have…
5. 5: You wonder if there is a health care worker that just ties shoes. Then you think: ‘They have those Velcro ones… Or slip-ons!’ Then, in the middle of those thoughts you forget what you were doing, sit up, pass gas, say excuse me to the empty room, and go back to watching the Price is Right…
6. 6: When you get up you have to add so many things to yourself to make up the whole that you begin to wonder where it all came from…
7. 7: You no longer have to brush your teeth, the little plastic bowl and those things that look like Alka Seltzer does it for you…
8. 8: Sometimes, when you see yourself in the mirror you think ‘Call the cops!’
9. 9: You find yourself wondering if anyone can even see those nose hairs that have now blended successfully with your moustache. That reminds you to check your ears, which have somehow grown to resemble oriental bush gardens.
1 10: You go back to the back door to call the cat to dinner, now that you remember why you went there in the first place. You call and call, but the cat doesn’t come. Just as you are about to give up the cat meows from behind you. You jump ten feet (In old-speak that is about an inch), pass gas, ask the cat to excuse you, take a heart pill and go and feed the cat… Dell…
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